The Family as a System

        I don’t think I ever understood the importance of the different roles people play in the family system. I have seen so many different examples in my life of families that are so different compared to how I was raised. Some examples that we went over in class were how in most families the “leaders” of the family are the parents. In other families, the leaders are the children and they run the house. In my family, I would agree that the parents are the leaders. In my opinion, I think it is better if the parents have a hold on the family. I have seen a lot of examples where the kids are the leaders of the family and in most circumstances, those families have a lot more chaos. I have also seen that those kids end up a bit more bratty and rude because they are used to always getting their way. I think a family should have rules set and discipline in place just so people can learn the lesson of their actions and their consequences. Another example is how every child has a parent that they are closer to. For me, I am pretty close with both of my parents but I confide in my mom a lot more. It was brought up that when dads are brought up with a situation that their child has, they automatically think of how they can fix the problem. On the other side of that, moms tend to listen and console us in our emotions. This is the main reason I go to my mom more as a girl because my mom understands my emotions more. 

        When I was younger there were definitely moments when I thought I knew everything and my parents were just being annoying. As I have gotten older, I have realized that I am grateful for the rules my parents set because they saved me from a lot of trouble. I also have come to know that my parents know better than I do. And as much as I don’t want to admit it, they are a lot smarter than me. Some examples of the rules they set for me and my siblings are we all had a curfew, we couldn’t date before we were sixteen, we couldn’t have a cellphone until a certain age, and we couldn’t go anywhere without permission. To be honest, I didn’t realize that every single family and child is raised differently until my siblings started getting married. My parents have always told me that the hardest thing about marriage is the difference in how the couple was raised. It is involved in everything from how the parents discipline, to rules each parent had when growing up. I remember certain times when I would ask my parents if I could wear a certain outfit that was a little bit more revealing compared to what I usually wore and my mom said she was fine with it because she wore stuff like that when she was growing up but my dad had a problem with it because his sisters dressed the same way and ended up making really bad decisions. An example I remember is one time, my oldest sister wanted to go to a stake dance that was 30 minutes away and my parents had no problem with it. As my parents got ready to take my sister out there, my mom had a really bad feeling about it. She talked to my dad about it and they both agreed if my mom had a bad feeling about it, my sister shouldn’t go. This made my sister so mad but later that night, we found out that the car my sister was going to get a ride home in got pulled over and the car had alcohol in it so they got into a lot of trouble.

        With talking about all of these rules my parents had, with being the fourth child out of five, I have noticed that my older three siblings had different rules than my little brother and I had growing up. My parents had my older three siblings when they had a bit more energy so they were a lot more strict than what they were with me and my little brother. I really liked this week’s discussion because it helped me to realize the different families that are all around me and how different people were raised. It also opened my eyes to how I want my future family to function and how I want the system and roles to operate in my family.